Secret feeling vs Official feeling

Its Mid of March 2012, when officially I broke up with Asmita. Although from last 3-4 month nothing was cool in between us. I thought “ It will be fine, I can easily adjust without her” “ she is not a one, I can find another one”, “ I do lots of effort, but she want to break the relation...” and so on.

But down the heart I knew that “ I will ,miss her “, “ No doubt I can find another, but its very difficult that someone can take her position”, “ and the break up was due to both of us”...

No, No.. I am not sharing any story here. Its only an example, that I want to show you that there are two types of feeling.... “ Official feeling and the Secret feeling”.

Yes, we act like “ we are fine, we are okay...” but we know actually we are not... we are struggling somewhere.

I didn't know why this happen each time even when we know that the secret feeling is far different from our official.

My official feeling always says that I am feeling Okay about “ Job loss”, “ her dating someone else” “my dad's death”.... But by the line “ I am feeling Okay” .. what you can understand ?

“Okay” is not a feeling.... I can feel resigned, accepting, comfortable, detached, numb, tolerant, pleased, sad....!! But what does it mean by OKAY ?

Actually Okay is a word that cover all type of squirmy feelings and most of time it is a signal of loss.

May be you not agree with me, but down the heart, you know the truth. Yes, you are not feeling okay.. you want to do something innovative, you want to propose her, you want to write, you want to take photos.... But here is a fear.. what will people say ? What will our family think ? What about money ?

Yes.. we want to live for our secret feeling, but at the end of the day our official feeling rule.

We work for our official feeling. These are “ I didn't propose her because I was afraid of office mates” “ I didn't start writing because my English is not good.” “ I can't be a good painter so why to start that”

Guys, frankly telling, I think about the same a number of time that I will live for my secret feeling, and a number of time I tried. But I am happy because I am giving a part of my life to my secret feelings also.... not 100%. Yes, but I am trying. And one day I will do,

The easiest way if you want to give time to your secret feeling is “ either start writing daily diary, here you will write what you feel, what you want to say your friend that time but you didn't say because you were afraid of break up... etc.” “ travel... yes travel alone for some time... this is the best time you analyse yourself...” “ Don't care what people are telling you.. my friends call me mad... so what ? I know I am not... I am happy. “ “ at least give a try, what you want , what you feel.. “

When I was working on this post, I interact with a number of people around me about this, most common reply were same...

1. What people will say.
2. I will hurt family/friends.
3. I can't make money by this.
4. My lover may leave me.
5. It's too late to think about this, I have family now.... and many more.

So what guys, we got one life and if we want to do something than why to rethink, if it is not against nature, against law.

I met a visitor in RK ashram in Oct 2013, he was from England. He and his wife come her to learn the rituals of Hinduism. They want to learn about Karma and Happiness. They were here from last 3 years... When I asked that 50 year old man, sir how you can define happiness..

He replied with a smile “ Well according to dictionary,it is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions.

But If you want to know the happiness, it a pleasure of tasty food, its emotion for your new bike, its a emotion when your mom hugs you, its the emotion when you want to say something, but your friend understand it before you say.. its to do your work on time, it to get your girl her fav. Cloths, it helping the poor, its finding that the girl in bus is noticing you.. its when you do something for noble cause.. Its something when you do What you want... what you feel.. and for me.... being in India is happiness”.

This is something which make me to feel happy, this make to do something for my secret feeling... that day I got my mentor... he is not only my mentor.. a number of time I met him, when My mom teach me something, when some book teach me something, when my friend teach me something.. when life teach me something...

Guys give your secret feeling a chance, because you get only one life.. yes money is important.... but the money is not only..!!

And those want to explore there life a little, personal opinion... you should read “ The Artist Way”.. even you love to read or not. Really a great piece.

Ref.

Of course .. The Artist Way