Dowry : An Ugly Tradition

A lot can happen over a cup of coffee, rightly said. Whenever its 5 o'clock in office, the time come for some good discussion. Today the topic was Dowry. And I am ashamed that I was in supporting side. This is the reason in the mid of discussion I had to say that will discuss tomorrow. you know why, when you support a good side, there is no need on preparation. For the bad one you have to find some hidden facts. Ohh I know, for each discussion you need preparation, but here I am talking about soft discussion. I guess this is because I am selfish, somewhere in my mind, I am also expecting some dowry, this is the only reason I was supporting.

The list of items in a dowry can be vast and they range from jewelry to household items like furniture, bedding, etc. You name the item, it may be a part of the dowry. The most expensive items are the gold jewelry in Indian wedding. The daughter may not have used them while being single as beautiful artificial jewelry is available in abundance but her parents have to do it as it is considered a part of the Indian wedding. New gold jewelry is ordered for her at her wedding, which are for her ankles, hands, wrist, neck, ears, nose, forehead, head, etc. and gold ring, cuff-links, and wrist watch with gold bracelet for the groom. Then some gold jewelry for bride’s mother and father in law, gold rings for groom’s brothers and necklaces for his sisters. It is very expensive to make new dresses and sarees for the daughter to take with her for use in years to come, along with some woolen suits, shirts, ties for her husband. Full kitchenware items, including new fridge, cooker, television, etc. are also part of the dowry. Very rich people may also give cash, a car, property or land as part of the dowry.

The Woman in Herself is a Dowry in Wedding. It is a real dowry without a material dowry as the woman joining her new family is herself a dowry after Indian wedding. Let us take it this way. If the woman has been an earning member in her parents’ home, they lose an earning member as she is leaving them after Indian wedding. She joins as an added earning member to her in-laws home, whose income goes up. Not only that, she is always helping and thinking good for her husband and in-laws, looking after the home, particularly the kitchen whenever she can. She will be a good counselor and helper to her husband’s various activities, including his business if he has got one. Whatever he gains is with her added intelligence, cooperation and help.
Dowry a Burden on Bride’s Parents in Indian Wedding.  For middle class and poor families, giving a dowry as per customs of Indian wedding is the biggest burden in daughter’s marriage. In certain cases, their whole life savings may not be enough to make a proper dowry and the family may also have to take loans for this purpose. In certain cases, just a few days before the Indian wedding, the groom’s side may dictate how much dowry they want for the wedding to take place. To save their reputation and the wedding to go ahead, the girl’s side submits to pressure to their demand for a bigger dowry. In rare cases, the young married lady may be harassed in her married home by her in-laws to bring some extra dowry from her parents. It is contemptible to do this. The custom of dowry in Indian wedding is now being viewed as an evil practice in our society which must be eradicated.

Dowry in Hindu Wedding Banned by Law in India. The government in India has stepped in to stop the misery of ordinary people from giving dowry, and made a law banning the giving or acceptance of a dowry in Indian wedding. It is a good step in the right direction. It is now the society’s fault that dowry is still being openly given and accepted. The law has not been able to dictate its authority so far. The public has to unite together, stopping altogether the dowry custom. The husband and wife should be equal partners in every respect. 
Although a number of time the law had been misused. Even a number of time High Court recommended to authorities to take a fresh look at these legal provisions. But this is not about law here, this is about what you think about dowry.

On the other hand, a wealthy family takes pride in giving huge dowry in Indian wedding even when their daughter is professional and at a good job earning high income, may be more than her husband to be. It is the occasion these rich people can show their money power derived from their high position in society.

There was another point, why only daughter family spent money on all the expenses. On this point I just said, its tradition. I didn't have any point to save my views. And I am ashamed. 
A number of time we give the bullshit opinion, we said a number of time that the thing is right because it is traditional. But today I realize this is not the fact, we keep things only for our selfishness. We eliminate the things which we don't want on the name of modern and 21st century and keep which we want on the name of our traditions.  

But story doesn't end here. There is something missing yet.

Girl Like to marry well-settled/RIch Grooms, is it as UGLY as Dowry? as in both cases MONEY is involved? 
No doubt, money is important in life. But if a man has got a golden heart and good character, but if he is earning less or not rich...!!
Girls would still prefer to consider a man who is rich/highly-paid (and expect him to hav good character!) . If girl can do, then why a man can't prefer a girl with more dowry ?

And men who expect dowry are considered as bad... but dowry is useful to lead a comfort life for both the girl & boy. when parents ask the groom, how much he is earning, what are his assets..then why people think dowry is wrong?"

Discussion is going on, skype is on, whatapp is on. and here one of my female friend response 
: "I think you are confusing your self I don't think asking for dowry and looking for a well settled guy is the same. Girl looks for a well settled guy as she wants to have a comfortable life after marriage there is nothing wrong in that . even guys look for a beautiful girls for marriage, how many guys think let me have a wife who has good heart and I am not bothered how she looks. good heart, character and all you will come to know only after living with that person. only thing you can try to know before marriage is whether the person whom you are marrying is capable to take care of you in future.
Coming to dowry why should a girl or her parents give dowry to a guy and ask him to marry the girl. instead of doing that the parents can have the money and take care of their own daughter for life."

But here I couldn't understand.... guys look for pretty girls, then ladies look for handsome one, why there is another parameter well settled, rich ? Yes, point is taken in case where a guy looking for high salaried, beautiful lady.

I don't know how to conclude this topic, the only thing I know that dowry is bad. Instead of Dowry, both families should help the new couple start their home, their new life. But I see no reason why the bride's parents should pay the groom to marry her. There should be equal effort from each side. The wife should have her own money, If she's not allowed to work, of course she will want someone who can make her live comfortably. And later on, when she is comfortable with  his husband  and think that this money can be used for their mutual benefit, she can share. Now don't say that this is also a dowry, may be you are right. 

I am confused, but one thing is very much clear, in the dust of money, relations are suffocating.